Coaching Team Newsletters: How To Avoid Resistance And Gain Acceptance For Your Proposals And Ideas

It's a big day. The proposal you've sweated over is finally ready to present. Your Power Point slides are perfect. You've completed the cost/benefit analysis. You're even wearing your lucky tie (or blouse). So why do you have that gnawing feeling that somehow the idea you've worked so hard to position is going to get shot down in the first round of decision making?

Gaining acceptance of your idea is not just about presenting facts and figures. Unless you know how to avoid resistance, and how to position your proposal from the angle of "It's not about you, it's about them," walking into that conference room, or your boss's office, is like throwing yourself to the lions.

What Does Resistance Really Mean?

At first glance, resistance can seem like it's only about being contrary or obstructionist. Scratch the surface and you'll quickly discover that, instead, it's typically "code" for something else. The meaning of resistance can range from "You must have your own agenda," to "Why should I risk making a mistake in trusting what you say," to "Why should I care?"

Understanding ahead of time what the code means for the resistance you might meet, gives you an edge in preparing your presentation -- an advantage that can often mean the difference between success and failure.

The reason that presenting only facts and figures fails to persuade, is that it only appeals to the logical part of us, and quite frankly, logic often has little to do with decision making. Emotions still lead the way in making a decision, with facts used as the rational justification.

Let's take a look at exactly what you can do to put you ahead of the game in winning approval for your project, and minimize or eliminate resistance before you make your pitch.

How Do You Reduce Or Eliminate Resistance In The First Place?

First and foremost, you have to discover what objections you are likely to encounter. This is simple to accomplish by asking yourself, "Who is most likely to resist and why?" Annette Simmons, author of The Story Factor and Territorial Games (www.groupprocessconsulting.com) says, "Resistance means either you are offering me a good thing that I don't yet recognize as a good thing, or you are offering me something you think is a good thing and you don't yet realize it isn't. To overcome resistance, you need to know their story before you tell yours."

Their story is what is influencing their behavior. Skip finding out this critical piece of information and all the Power Point slides in the world won't help you get buy-in. Ask around to find out what preconceived ideas already exist about your project or proposal. If you can't talk to key people, you can still predict the standard objections of not enough time or money.

Shelle Rose Charvet, author of Words That Change Minds and Presenting Ideas To Skeptical People (www.successtrategies.com), illustrates the importance of understanding objections ahead of time with the age-old topic of goal setting. "Not everyone believes goal-setting is helpful. If I’m a coach and I’m trying to sell someone on setting goals or if I’m a manager and want people to be more focused in their work, but people are feeling they’re not in control of their goals, they are going to resist. The story they tell themselves is, 'My goals aren’t the ones that count anyway.'"

By doing your homework, you know this objection upfront. Then you can say, "It may appear that your goals don’t count. However, if you’re clear on what’s important and what's not, you'll be clear on how to respond to any situation." Charvet adds, "That’s much more powerful than just saying, ‘set goals to get your work done.’"

What If You Have Multiple Layers Of Command To Convince?

Find out what is important to each person or group you have to convince.

Here is a tip --

In your preparations ask, "Do you mind if I ask you a question? What's important about _______ from your point of view and why is it important?"

When people answer the question “Why?” they give you one of two kinds of answers. One refers to what they’ll gain -- "Why is increasing efficiency important? We can do more with less, increase our production, increase sales." On the other hand, someone else might answer that same question with what they’ll prevent or avoid -- “Why is increasing efficiency important?” "Because if we don't, the competition will kick our butts." Knowing if the person you need to convince uses the language of gaining and getting, or preventing and avoiding, tells you what kind of language you will have to use to match their way of thinking.

What Do Decision Makers Really Want To Hear?

Decision makers are up to their eyeballs in data, statistics and Power Point presentations. What they really want to know is, "Is this going to work the way you say it is?" For that, they are looking to you to give them faith that you will come through. Faith isn't conveyed by gung-ho optimism, but by meeting doubts head on. Let your pitch demonstrate that you've thought through potential obstacles or setbacks. Use examples, brief stories or case studies to illustrate and add life to the bullet points on your slides.

Words And Examples -- Make Your Pitch Work For You

Decision makers at any level do not want to be told what to do. Your job is to let them convince themselves. It's good to be confident, but if you are too forceful making your pitch, others perceive you as making up their minds for them, and will resist. You will be thought of as promoting your own agenda. For example, instead of saying, "You have to______," use "Here is something to consider and why." Let the listeners come to their own conclusions. You'll get the buy-in and commitment you want, plus strengthen the rapport between you and the decision makers.

Live demonstrations also work well for driving home a point without being pushy. Steve Neiderhauser, an IT consultant, remembers when he worked at MCI (before its merger with WorldCom). “Repeatedly IT people were trying to sell their ideas to solve problems but their words fell on deaf ears. The old joke, 'You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink,' certainly rang true for us."

"One day, the IT boss called a bunch of us in about a project, but we didn't have the right hardware for the job. Rather than try and make a pitch, we called in a hardware supplier who owed us a favor. He came in and set up a prototype system that we knew would solve the problem. Over the next few days, people gathered around the demo workstation, giving it a try. Word spread that this computer solution was doing an amazing job. When the IT manager heard about it and tried it for herself, a light bulb went on. Later that day, she ordered 57 of the right computers. This goes back to a basic principle -- to learn something, you have to experience it. We didn’t do any talking; we let the experience of the demo do the persuading for us.”

If You Blow It, Can You Pitch Your Idea Again?

Surprisingly, the answer is often yes. Don't assume the topic is closed because of a setback. How you proceed depends on the specific situation. For example, Charvet advocates, "Phone the decision maker after a few days and leave a message like, “You know what we discussed the other day? Well, I’ve been thinking and I have another idea,” as a way to reopen the topic. You create curiosity about the issue. But don't tip your hand in the phone call by giving the listener something to resist.

How To Keep Equilibrium

What if you choked because of nerves? Use a coach to help you examine self-sabotaging behaviors and figure out how to maintain your equilibrium. "I talk to my coach three times a month. When my life is in balance and I've had a good night's sleep, I can gracefully hear a "No" from a decision maker. I can then proceed to ask good, non-defensive questions to satisfy my curiosity that "No" was the best answer," says Simmons.

A coach will also emphasize the importance of getting a good night's sleep. Anxiety may tell you that you should go over the data and figures one more time, but anxiety is not your best friend when it comes to maintaining equilibrium. Getting a good night's sleep is a legitimate way to prepare for an important presentation. People will trust you when you are relaxed and calm.

A Final Thought ¼

At its essence, avoiding resistance is a matter of finding out what objections are likely to block your path, and what story the decision makers are telling themselves about you and your idea. With that information in mind, you are well equipped to position your presentation in a way that is meaningful to the values and concerns of the key decision makers. After all, "It's not about you, it's about them!"

Top 5 Mistakes To Avoid When Pitching An Idea Or Project

1. Don't try to sell someone on an idea. Instead give them information to help them come to their own conclusion.

Use phrases like, "Here is an idea...," "What do you think¼," or "Here is something to consider and why¼," in order to avoid coming on too strong.

2. Don't be too self-deprecating. Being too humble and modest in your body language or voice tone destroys credibility.

Aim to strike a balance between openness and credibility.

3. Don't tell your story before you hear the other person's story.

Their story governs their behavior.

Find out what they are telling themselves about you and your idea ahead of time so you can determine their values and predict any objections.

4. Don't start trying to convince before you connect with your listeners.

Talk first about what you know is important, the problem your idea will solve, and why it is important.

5. Don't rely on Power Point to convince your audience to say yes.

Build your case using a mixture of Power Point, story, examples, and even live demonstration if possible.

5 Critical Keys To Keep In Mind

1. Take into account your listener's objections. Ask "Do you have any objections, reservations or hesitations?" in that order (decreasing order of magnitude).

2. Use your coach as a devil's advocate who will give you feedback on how to best present your idea. They will be a tremendous help in refining your pitch.

3. Always deliver your data with a story or example to put it in a real-life context.

4. Speak with full respect for the listener's intelligence and good intentions. Their intentions may not match yours, but they do serve a positive purpose for the other person.

5. Ask to hear their story before telling your own, or demonstrate your understanding of their position by first reflecting their story back to them. In other words, talk first about their foremost concern or goal before you talk about your own.

At A Glance

Key Questions Pave The Way For Acceptance Of Your Ideas

Questions are your best tool for avoiding resistance and gaining acceptance for your ideas. It only takes two or three good questions to discover what objections are likely to surface. Choose from these examples and you will shorten the path to acceptance of your ideas.

 Who has the most to lose? The most to gain?

 Who is going to be the biggest resistor to your proposal?

 What matters to them most?

 To elicit their values, ask "What's important about _______ from your point of view and why is it important?"

 What story are they telling themselves about you and your idea?

Are they naturally a problem-oriented person (the "glass is half empty ")? If so, then don't sweat their jabs at your pitch. Orient what you say in terms of avoiding problem and your detractors will begin to relax and think maybe you aren't so bad after all.

If they are a goal-oriented person (the "glass is half full"), then talk about the accomplishment and achievement they'll receive as a result of your idea.

Here is a powerhouse of a question you can ask either before presenting your idea or during the presentation:

· What would need to happen to say yes to this idea?The response to this question tells you exactly what is needed. This information is often the key you need to unlock the "Yes" answer hiding behind a previously closed door.

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